Deciding Whether to Spend Time With Your Loved One Before the Funeral

“Should I see them?”

It is a question funeral directors hear often.

Sometimes it is followed by another:

“What if I regret it?”

When someone you love has passed away, deciding whether to spend time with them again can feel like a very big decision.

Perhaps part of you wants one more quiet moment.

Another part may be worried that seeing them after they have passed away could change the memories you hold of them during life.

There is something we would like families to know:

You do not have to make this decision based on what anybody else thinks you should do.

Why Do Some Families Choose a Viewing?

For some people, the funeral itself can feel busy.

There are people arriving, conversations taking place and a service to prepare for.

A private viewing is different.

There is no audience.

There is no programme.

There is nothing you are expected to say or do.

It can simply be time with someone you love.

For families whose loved one passed away unexpectedly, spending time together can sometimes help the mind begin to understand something the heart is still struggling to accept.

For others, it is simply about having another opportunity to be close to them.

What Happens During a Viewing?

There is no particular way a viewing needs to happen.

You might sit quietly.

You may want to talk to your loved one.

Perhaps you would like to play some music.

You might bring another family member with you.

Some people cry.

Others find themselves remembering something that unexpectedly brings a smile.

You do not have to create a perfect final goodbye.

Sometimes just being together is enough.

“I’m Worried About What They Will Look Like”

This is an understandable concern.

Please talk to your funeral director about it.

You can ask what to expect before deciding whether you would like to enter the viewing room.

Every person’s circumstances are different, and your funeral director can explain what is appropriate and help you make an informed choice.

Families can also choose the clothing their loved one wears.

A familiar outfit can sometimes make a viewing feel a little more personal.

Perhaps it is Dad’s favourite shirt.

Mum’s familiar blouse.

A treasured piece of jewellery.

Something that feels like them.

What if I Don’t Want to See Them?

Then you do not have to.

Some people feel very strongly that they would prefer their final visual memory of someone to be from when they were alive.

Maybe you want to remember them sitting at the kitchen table.

Laughing with the grandchildren.

Walking through the door.

Relaxing in their favourite chair.

Those memories are precious.

Choosing not to have a viewing does not mean you loved someone any less.

It simply means you know what feels right for you.

Should Children Attend a Viewing?

There is no universal answer.

A child’s age is one consideration, but so is their personality, their relationship with the person who has passed away and their understanding of what has happened.

If a child would like to attend, it can help to explain clearly and gently what they are likely to see.

Try to use simple, truthful language.

You can also talk with your funeral director first about what to expect.

And importantly, children should be allowed to change their minds.

They should never feel that saying goodbye depends on whether they enter the viewing room.

Can We Bring Something With Us?

Talk with your funeral director about what you would like to do.

You might want to bring a photograph.

A letter.

A flower.

Something small and meaningful.

Or perhaps you simply want to sit nearby.

A private viewing does not need to become another organised part of the funeral.

Often, its simplicity is what makes the moment special.

Private Viewing With Dils Funeral Services

Dils provides private viewing spaces within its Auckland funeral facilities.

The Birkenhead Chapel is particularly suited to smaller and more intimate gatherings and includes a private viewing room. Dils also has facilities in Albany and Stanmore Bay, supporting families throughout Auckland’s North Shore and Hibiscus Coast.

Whether you spend an hour beside someone you love or decide not to view them at all, there is no measure of love contained in that choice.

The right goodbye is the one that feels right for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a funeral viewing?

A viewing provides an opportunity to spend private time with your loved one after they have passed away and before the funeral.

Should I see my loved one before the funeral?

There is no right or wrong answer. Some people find viewing comforting, while others prefer to remember their loved one as they were during life.

Can I ask what to expect before deciding?

Yes. Talk openly with your funeral director about any concerns you have.

Can we choose what our loved one wears?

Yes. Families can choose clothing that feels familiar and appropriate.

Can children attend a viewing?

They can, depending on what feels appropriate for the individual child and family.

Can I change my mind?

Speak with your funeral director if your feelings change.

Does Dils have private viewing rooms?

Yes. Private viewing facilities are available.

Where does Dils have funeral homes?

Dils has locations in Albany, Birkenhead and Stanmore Bay.