After someone you love has passed away, there can be days filled with decisions.
People calling.
Flowers arriving.
Family coming and going.
Photographs being found.
Music being chosen.
A funeral to prepare for.
Then the service finishes.
People gradually return home.
The house becomes quieter.
And sometime afterwards, another question may appear:
“What are we going to do with the ashes?”
For some families, the answer is immediate.
For others, it is not.
If you do not know yet, there is something important we would like you to hear:
You do not have to decide straight away.
There Is No Deadline for Finding the Right Place
You have already made many decisions in a very short period of time.
This one does not necessarily need to be rushed.
Some families know immediately what feels right.
Others need weeks, months or even longer before the answer becomes clear.
Sometimes it takes time before you can even imagine making another permanent decision.
That is okay.
“They Always Loved That Place”
For some families, there is somewhere that immediately comes to mind.
A beach.
A garden.
A favourite holiday spot.
Somewhere connected with childhood.
A place the family returned to year after year.
If you are thinking about scattering ashes somewhere meaningful, check whether there are any permissions or requirements that apply to the location.
Your funeral director can help explain the options available to you.
What if We Want Somewhere to Visit?
For some people, having a permanent place to visit matters enormously.
Somewhere to bring flowers.
Somewhere to sit quietly.
Somewhere to return on birthdays and anniversaries.
Ashes can be interred in appropriate cemetery or memorial locations, and many cemeteries have dedicated gardens, lawns or other areas for cremated remains.
For one family, that physical place may bring great comfort.
Another family may not need one.
Neither choice represents more or less love.
Can We Keep the Ashes at Home?
Some families choose to keep their loved one’s ashes close in an urn or another suitable memorial container.
That may feel right permanently.
Or you may keep them at home while deciding what you would eventually like to do.
There is no emotional timetable you have to follow.
What if Family Members Want Different Things?
This can be difficult.
One person may want a permanent memorial.
Another may feel strongly that the ashes should be scattered somewhere the person loved.
Someone else may simply not feel ready to do anything.
Before focusing on what should happen, try asking each other why each choice matters.
“I want somewhere I can visit Mum.”
“I think Dad would want to be near the water.”
“I don’t feel ready to make that decision yet.”
Those are not simply opinions about ashes.
They are expressions of grief, memory and connection.
Understanding what sits underneath each person’s preference can sometimes make a difficult conversation gentler.
Can Ashes Be Shared Between Family Members?
There are different urn and keepsake possibilities available.
This can be especially relevant where children or other close family members live in different parts of New Zealand or overseas.
Rather than assuming there must be one single solution, talk with your funeral director about the options available.
What Happens After Cremation With Dils?
Dils operates Schnapper Rock Cremations at the North Harbour Chapel in Albany.
For some families, knowing that their loved one can remain within the care of Dils throughout the cremation process provides reassurance.
When the time comes, your funeral director can also talk with you about what you might like to do with the ashes.
And if your answer is:
“We are simply not ready to decide yet.”
That is a perfectly understandable answer.
Cremation Services Across Auckland’s North Shore
Dils assists families across Albany, Birkenhead, Stanmore Bay, the Hibiscus Coast, Auckland’s North Shore and wider Auckland with funeral and cremation arrangements.
There is no single right memorial choice.
Some families want somewhere permanent.
Some want somewhere meaningful.
Some want to keep their loved one close.
And some simply need more time.
You do not need to know today what will feel right tomorrow.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do we have to decide immediately what to do with ashes?
No. Families can take time to consider what feels right.
Can ashes be interred in a cemetery?
Yes. Cemeteries may have dedicated areas for the interment of cremated remains.
Can ashes be scattered?
Ashes may be scattered in appropriate locations, subject to any permissions or requirements that apply.
Can we keep ashes at home?
Yes. Families may choose an appropriate urn or memorial container.
What if family members disagree?
If there is no need to decide immediately, give everyone time to explain why their preferred option matters to them.
Can ashes be divided between family members?
Talk with your funeral director about the urn and keepsake options that may be available.
Does Dils have its own crematorium?
Yes. Schnapper Rock Cremations is located at the North Harbour Chapel in Albany.
Where does Dils provide funeral and cremation services?
Dils has locations in Albany, Birkenhead and Stanmore Bay and supports families across Auckland’s North Shore, Hibiscus Coast and wider Auckland.
